“Buddy, do you know what this song is about”?, JR says to me as I begin my morning F-150 climb up Ochs highway.
“What buddy? (As I get choked on last night’s toothpaste) What, the song “beat-it” is about?”, I serve back to him with my morning hack,
“Buddy, this song is about the Illuminati!” He says back to me with a great deal of certainty,
“Huh?”, I say back in my best “what chu talkin about Willis” voice,
“Listen buddy, it’s about the Illuminati, you know buddy, Jay-Z and Beyonce belong to the Illuminati”, I turn into Broad Street as Jr teaches me,
“What the hell do you know about the Illuminati buddy and where the hell did you learn that?”, I question him back with a little bit of Dan Brown Illuminati knowledge,
“Well buddy, you see buddy,” JR pauses for a second to figure out what he is going to espouse next, and to allow the gates of his intellectual, high-school dropout, insecure mind of the helpless nineteen year old open, as his square table of knowledge legitimizes his intellect in mine eyes,
“Buddy I was at the library one day and I ran across a book called “Light Up” and it talked about the Illuminati and all the evil things in the world, about how there’s a secret society of homosexual white males that control everyone and who show the government how to control us buddy”! He says with a complete and utter straight mind,
Now I’m not sure if y’all’ve been paying attention but I told you facehookers a while back that I hang out with mostly gay men and family, and all that comes along with the “Sex and City”episode of “see me, add three, see me not, add salt”, so here we go again with the homophobic rhetoric of my nineteen-eighties youth, but fortunately for my young black brethren I’ve been here before and my morning patience is gonna be good with this discussion.
My homophobic young buddy is steering me right in the direction of my homophobic youth bus and althrough Oprah, Obama and my two current black friends have warned me that most black folks frown on homosexuality, it wasn’t until my ride up Lookout Mountain this morning, that I found out their notions came from the Illuminati book called “Light Up”.
“Ok buddy, hold on, so what you’re sayin’ is, and let me make sure I’m clear; you’re saying this “Light Up” book teaches us the white homosexual male is the evil-doer marketer for the oppressive anti-black government machine”?, I say back with an I’ve been here before, just not with you JR tone,
“Yes buddy!!” my young black friend cheers me on to his side of the field,
“Hmmm buddy, so how are you looping Michael Jackson’s Beat-it song into your “Illuminati” theory for the young, straight, black male”? I say back to my Karl Rove, but black, look-a-like,
“Buddy, this song is about how Micheal Jackson “beat” the Illumanti and how he was a prince, just like a guy named Machiavelli who was a prince and how he beat “it” buddy”, JR says back to me on this “mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord” beautiful southern-sunny-summer Sunday morning.
“Ok, I got it now, and who the hell is Machiavelli again?”, I say back, truthfully not remembering who he was but remembering somewhere in college he was a cool dude,
“Buddy, he was a prince who became famous and then became corrupted by greed, money and everything that goes along with the devil, and then he was killed because he didn’t do what the Illumanti wanted him to do, just like Michael Jackson”, my young black, conspiracy-theorist, co-worker and buddy says with an assured sophisticated yet confusing tone, “buddy I really don’t know the specifics, I’m just saying the Illuminati is to blame”, spoken like a truth-seeking young nineteen year old, circa 1996.
“Ok buddy, now look I’m gonna have to look up this book “Light up”, and figure out who the hell wrote it, along with reminding myself who Machiavelli is because I’ve heard of your guy, I just can’t remember where I’ve heard about him from, ok buddy? Are you cool with tabling the Illuminati discussion until I research a little more?”, I plead my case of ignorance to JR.
“Sure buddy, no problem”, Jr says as he rolls his window back down to smell the sweet smell of Lookout Mountain foliage, as I flip on my morning hymns.